But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Screwed.edu
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
