Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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