I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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