If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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