There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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