y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
