it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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