I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just found puke in my bra..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
