sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize