you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
