Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
