I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
