Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
