I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
