Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
