I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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