come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
