Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
