I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
