I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I deserve this hangover.
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