Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
