i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
