im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
