She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
