The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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