considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
