Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
