the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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