Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize