i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
