you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
