I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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