he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
