Quick, to the slutcave!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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