take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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