Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
