Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
