He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
