I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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