i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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