I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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