i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
