i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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