The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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