she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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