I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
