OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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