i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Say something about gay babies.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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