why didn't you poke me back
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
