so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sorry about my life...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
