I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
