security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
