3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
