I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
