he was CRYING into my vagina
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đ
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like âGET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKERâ and I went ham on tinder.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We all love a big dick, but youâre going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar âhow big your dickâ
Thatâs all Iâm saying
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