Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
