I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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