I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
