I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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