there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
