You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
