When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
