That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
