so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
