coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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