Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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